Sunday, August 16, 2009

Baby Blues

I thought I won’t feel this “baby blues” thingy. I thought I’m strong enough to handle the new chapter of my life. That everything is fine but I was wrong.

Couple of days after giving birth, I felt different. I can’t stop myself from crying. I’m irritated with the things around me, with the people around me. My husband asked me what my problem was. I kept silent, kept crying.

Deep inside me, I’m exhausted, unsure of myself, afraid to make mistakes because I haven’t done all of these before and the feeling of being trapped with the current situation. I felt so alone. I felt I have lost myself, and the feeling that I no longer have my own life. That I can no longer do things for myself that I have to let go and give up the things I used to do and enjoy. That Sannah as an individual is already gone.

But as days pass by and I have seen the support of my husband which I really need to overcome the situation I’m currently in, the blues just went away. It was replaced with the feeling that having a child has been my dream for such a long time and that dream was granted by the Lord. Looking at my husband’s and daughter’s faces while they’re sleeping give me so much joy and inspire me to be the best wife and mom for them.

I am so happy and very much contented with my life now; I thank the Lord and my husband Naj for giving me Jula.

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