UnWeLL

All day staring at the ceiling
Making friends with shadows on my wall
All night hearing voices telling me
That I should get some sleep
Because tomorrow might be good for something

Hold on
Feeling like I'm headed for a breakdown
And I don't know why

***
But I'm not crazy; I'm just a little unwell
I know right now you can't tell
But stay a while and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired
I know right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be... me

I'm talking to myself in public
Dodging glances on the train
And I know, I know they've all been talking about me
I can hear them whisper
And it makes me think there must be something wrong with me
Out of all the hours thinking
Somehow I've lost my mind

Repeat ***

I've been talking in my sleep
Pretty soon they'll come to get me
Yeah, they're taking me away

Repeat ***

Yeah, how I used to be
How I used tobe
Well, I'm just a little unwell
How I used to be
How I used to be
I'm just a little unwell



I dedicate this song to my late brother, Rommel. I felt that the lyrics of this song were the message he would like to tell everybody about his condition. That he’s not crazy, he’s just unwell. He suffered from schizophrenia for such a long time, he was unable to communicate or express his emotions but I believe that this was his thought when he was still alive.

I admire the song writer, Rob Thomas, lead singer of Matchbox Twenty. He’s so genius that he was able to write a song like this. He was feeling the people who suffer from great pains, who experiences hallucination, delusions, disorganized and unusual thinking. According to him, he wrote the song to be a metaphor for humanity in general, a song for people who are "fucked up and feel alone like that. We all feel a little fucked up sometimes... you're not alone."



This song will be forever in my heart.

In memory of Kuya Ame

Today, May 11, 2009, this day should have been Kuya Ame’s 31st birthday. But since he’s with the Good Lord now, we just celebrated it for his memory.

My parents and eldest brother celebrated it last May 8, which was the feast day of Brgy. Old Manunca Sta. Rita Western Samar. They had offered a mass for him.

My sister who’s in the US lit a candle for him.

Here in Parañaque, Kuya Ame’s daughter, Raine lit 3 candles for him. Then after, it formed a heart shape. His daughter wondered why, I just told her that it’s because her father loves her so much. I believe that no matter where he is right now, he still thinks of his only daughter.



Message for Kuya Ame:

We love you and you will always be in our heart. Raine is with us and she’s ok. We’ll be taking good care of her, don’t worry.

It’s a Girl

Here is the result of my pelvic ultrasound conducted last April 24, 2009.



SONOGRAPHIC FINDINGS:

There is a single fetus presently in CEPHALIC presentation with a BI-PARIETAL diameter of about 5.9cm (24 weeks and 0 day) and FEMORAL LENGTH of about 4.5cm (25 weeks and 0 day).
There is an active fetal cardiac activity and body movement. The placenta is GRADE I implanted at the ANTERIOR uterine segment.
There is an adequate amount of amniotic fluid.

As per pelvic ultrasound, the fetus’ gender is FEMALE.



Medical Meaning:
1. Cephalic - of or relating to the head
2. Bi-Parietal Diameter - being a measurement between the most distant opposite
points of the two parietal bones
3. Femoral Length – of or relating to the femur or thigh

*** For other medical terms, just visit http://www.merriam-webster.com/. ***


Since it’s just a 2D ultrasound, the pictures are not clear so I’m thinking of doing 3D4D Sonogram. I’m still thinking about it because it’s kind of expensive. 2D only costs Php600 while 3D is Php2, 800 and 4D is Php4000.00. It this will pursue, I will definitely post it here and update you guys.

Baby Sannaj’s Crib

We have been canvassing for a crib that will be used by our little one once he arrives. We have visited some of the malls. We have seen different styles and different prices. The price of the cribs that we saw ranges from Php12,000.00 to Php15,000.00. Initial reaction that we had was it was beautiful but expensive. We have discussed if we’re going to buy the expensive one or will try to look for a nice but cheaper crib. Crib is one of the most important necessities. This will be used approximately 1-3 years.

After discussing what’s best for the baby and for us, we have come up with the decision that will look for a cheaper crib. Money that will be used in buying one expensive crib can be used in some of the baby’s necessities. We looked for a crib and we found one in San Isidro, Parañaque near Greenheights Village, along Sucat-Baclaran Road.

It was a standard crib, has a typical rectangular shape made of Palo china wood and has a drop down side to make it more convenient in picking up the baby. The most important thing is, it just costs Php950.00. The crib is so simple, we still have to buy mattress, accessories or decorative elements. Good thing is we have saved a lot.

Maternity Clothes

I’m not used to wearing dresses and skirts. I’m more comfortable with shorts, jeans and blouses. But when I got pregnant, I have no choice but to embrace new things in my life like skirts, leggings and dresses. I can still wear jeans until the 4th month of pregnancy, but beyond 4 months, I really can’t. The jeans are not fit anymore plus I feel that my tummy is being squeezed. I thought I will have a hard time with this adjustment and changes but I was wrong. Wearing these maternity clothes feels comfy and I love it.

I thank my husband who bought most of my maternity clothes; my mother-in-law, she bought 2 of my maternity tops; my mother and sister of course for the clothes they have left behind in the house that I can use since my old clothes don’t fit anymore.

Here are some of the maternity clothes that I have:

Here I am Lord

I always sing a gospel song every time I’m feeling down. It serves as my communication to the Lord. When I sing, I cry, I let go all the pain I feel inside. Let me share this song to all of you. Hope you'll be enlighten too.

Visit http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GINNh15cT08, to see the video of the gospel song that really touches my heart and soul.

I, the Lord of sea and sky
I have heard my people cry
All who dwell in dark and sin,
My hand will save.

I who made the stars of night
I will make their darkness bright
Who will bear my light to them
Whom shall I send?

(Refrain)
Here I am Lord.
Is it I, Lord
I have heard you calling in the night.
I will go Lord, if you lead me.
I will hold your people in my heart.

I, the Lord of snow and rain.
I have borne my people's pain
I have wept for love of them
They turn away

I will break their hearts of stone
Give them hearts for love alone
I will speak my word to them
Whom shall I send?

(repeat refrain)

I, the Lord of wind and flame
I will tend the poor and lame
I will set a feast for them,
my hand will save

Finest bread I will provide
till their hearts be satisfied
I will give my life to them
Whom shall I send?

(repeat refrain)

Threatened Abortion

March 21, 2009; I was in the office around 3am, I felt abdominal pain and mild uterine cramping, feels like having dysmenorrhea. My supervisor instructed me to go to the clinic right away. I was advised by the doctor to lie down on my left side for an hour. After an hour, the pain is still there. The doctor advised me to go home and have urinalysis to check if I have urinary tract infection. I was negative for UTI, so the doctor advised me to rest for 7 days and asked me to take Duvadilan, it is used to treat premature labor. The diagnosis was threatened abortion.

After 6 days, I went to my OB for prenatal checkup. I have told her about what happened in the office. She’d checked if my cervix was open because if it was, I will be admitted that day. Good thing when she checked it, it’s close. But I have a lot of discharge (milky) which can cause problem. If this will go up to the uterus, I will definitely have preterm labor; I was advised to have an antibiotic once a day for 7 days, vaginal suppository in particular.

When I have heard about threatened abortion, I was so scared. I thought I will lose my baby. But the doctor explained that if this will be ignored, yes I will lose my baby. But after all the medications, I was finally ok. I thought, getting pregnant is easy, well... it’s not! Definitely not! I am not complaining because I know after all the hardships and sacrifices, it will pay off as soon as the baby arrives. And I am just looking forward for that day.

Baby Sannaj, mommy and daddy are so excited to meet and see you